The Quest for the Real Trans - Beliefs and Meta Beliefs

I'm seeing a lot of people expressing concern about how genderism is rushing young women into trans medicalisation. How this is failing young women, who are not really trans. How therapists, in their concern to help people who are really trans, are failing those who, mistakenly, only think they are trans. How the doctors and the therapists should take more care to be sure who is really trans and who is not.

Their concern is that we, as a society, are failing to distinguish between people who are really trans and people who only think they are trans, or may be misled into thinking they are trans.

Before we can hope to make this distinction, we need to know what "being trans" really means. So, from the experts:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/glossary-terms#trans

"An umbrella term to describe people whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth."

Perhaps I'm thick so I'll look up what the experts mean by gender:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/glossary-terms#gender

Often expressed in terms of masculinity and femininity, gender is largely culturally determined and is assumed from the sex assigned at birth.

That can't be right, they said that gender is something that belongs to an individual, the something that "is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth", but they say that is "largely culturally determined".

Just below that, I find:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/glossary-terms#gender-dysphoria

Used to describe when a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their sex assigned at birth and their gender identity.

This is also the clinical diagnosis for someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Well perhaps as gender transition is supposed to help alleviate Gender Dysphoria, we should look at "Gender Identity"

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/glossary-terms#gender-identity

A person’s innate sense of their own gender, whether male, female or something else (see non-binary below), which may or may not correspond to the sex assigned at birth.

So if we assume that they were talking about Gender Identity in their definition of trans, we could refactor it to something like:

"Trans: An umbrella term to describe people whose innate sense of their own gender is not ..... the sex they were assigned at birth".

So being trans depends on an "innate sense of gender" (ISOG)? How do we know what our own ISOG is? Its not our sex, it can't be all that cultural stuff, because surely, cultural stuff is not innate. Its not our body, its not how we behave, stonewall tells us that:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/glossary-terms#gender-expression

How a person chooses to outwardly express their gender, within the context of societal expectations of gender. A person who does not conform to societal expectations of gender may not, however, identify as trans.

So the only way of knowing what someone’s “innate sense of their own gender” is , is to ask them, and all they can base their reply on is what they believe. There are no tests, no numbers, no bacillus on a slide, no chromatograph. All that’s left is a belief about our own sense of gender - "I think I believe I feel like a woman/man".

Can we really be mistaken about what we believe? Can we think we believe something, only to find out later that we only thought we believe something? I’m not a philosopher, the nearest thing I can think of is religious faith

So who is really trans and who is really trans, Who really believes they are trans and who only thought they believed they were trans?

Or is it all just bollocks?

And now my Twitter account has been locked.

Time to look up the best way of doing a twitter appeal. I took me all of 20 mins to get my account back

The links from the tweet are: 

https://fairplayforwomen.com/trans-murder-rates/

http://transcrimeuk.com/2017/11/16/trans-homicides-in-the-uk-a-closer-look-at-the-numbers/

More below....

I am appealing. This is all I have space to say on the twitter appeal page.

It was bound to happen

I Protect My Trans Kid

My daughter is a trans child, she said so.  Her school agreed. Her gender support group agrees. Her university friends are so proud to agreed. Her gay boyfriend agreed. The parents, who gave me a dirty look when I picked her up from a party at their house and asked for her by her name, they agree.

I cannot claim credit for what follows, we may just have been lucky, her mother is an incredible woman whose skills of persuasion are way more subtle than mine. But we have gone against her wishes.

If we had been fully supportive of her trans journey, of the narrative that she was born in the wrong body, which caused her gender dysphoria and that needed to be treated by transition. If we had been supportive and affirming, she could have no breasts, have had a curtailed puberty, and have been on Testosterone for two years. She would have no one in her life, holding to the truth that she was a girl, is a woman.

The Welsh Not and the Pronoun Game – Pure Genius

We like to think that our attitudes, opinions and beliefs inform our actions. That we look at the world, weigh up the facts and decide where we stand. Our actions follow on from deciding what is right and wrong, what is in our, and others best interest.

Being intelligent, open minded people we listen to other people’s views and judge them against our standards of logic and kindness and modify our beliefs and attitudes if other people’s views impress us with insight, truth and humanity.

That’s a nice comfortable view of the world. It lets us feel we are good people, in charge of our decisions and actions. It’s an intuitive and almost universal view of how our minds work.

Looking Back Over 2 1/2 Years of Gender Critical Dad

Its two and a half years since I started this blog. I just want to look quickly at how things grew and how they have suddenly started really kicking off.

When I hit peaktrans, I had never heard the term, I felt alone. The first people I found out about, who looked like they might not think me mad, were the radical feminists. They had the ideas that made sense of it, and a lot of other ideas that forced me to take a hard look at myself. I posted a lot at  Reddit r/GenderCritical/. They were good to me. Supporting me when I was panicking. Sometimes I messed up, wrote shit and got ripped a new one for it. They encouraged me to start this and one even edited my first post.

I will be forever in their debt and r/GenderCritical/ is still a vibrant and growing place full of wonderful people supporting each other and developing ideas.

After starting the blog I was contacted, had a secret meeting in a service station cafe, where I was sussed out. Then a meeting in an professors office  to talk about a book, where I foolishly committed myself to write more than I had since I was in school. An early rise the next morning and off to Thinking Differently a radical feminist public meeting in London. This was a whole subculture, they might of looked at me suspiciously, but there were hundreds of them, they knew what they were, they knew that gender was bollocks.

Shortly after that I met Miranda and Julie Bindel and a few other rad fems, in a tiny meeting, again at a secret location. Notorious TERFS, really nice in person, with a razor sharp analysis of why genderism not only shafts women but does not represent Lesbians and Gay men, people with dysphoria and people who live as trans.

I felt part of something, a small something, but something growing, something that understood. I spent the back end of 2016 doing my chapter. At times it felt like I was a schoolboy faking it, just splurging out a load of second rate Kerouac rip off.  The editors asked for an biographical paragraph. I just bashed something out https://www.cambridgescholars.com/download/sample/64273

I’m a middle of the road middle aged dad trying to keep his daughter safe. Lefty liberal newspaper reader, organic eggs and chicken, equal shares sort of dad. .....

I didn't realise that you were supposed to do it in third person, with authority.

The book came out back end of 2017, it sold better than expected, then it came out in paperback. We still haven't sorted out a launch party. I've lent my copy to my fundy christian mate who has gone off on maternity.

Last year and this year have been about building up. starting the parents board . Thats grown like mad, full of wonderful people. Its their board now, I'm just the caretaker, the techy who fixes things.

A pivotal event happened in September 2017. A small group of women were going to have a meeting about changes to the Gender Recognition Act. A bunch of students from Goldsmiths and some ageing activism role players found out and scared the venue off. The organisers put out a message to meet at speakers corner, where the address of a new venue would be given out. An unpleasant young man who calls himself Tara Wood tweeted "I wanna fuck some terfs up" and went down to Hyde Park  and assaulted a 60 year old, tiny, woman.  https://www.feministcurrent.com/2018/04/27/trans-identified-male-tara-wolf-charged-assault-hyde-park-attack/

This got some press coverage, nothing on the BBC telly. The yob did get convicted but let off with a small fine. The victim was put thru the indignity of having to refer to him by female pronouns in court.

It became obvious that genderism was not some small counter culture clique, it was the establishment. Only the most right wing papers, the Mail and the Sun would print a gender critical view.

Since then things have built. A Womans Place started, then other groups, Women Need to Talk and Lisa Muggeridge.  Challenor happened, the Green panicked and then realised how he had shat on them. Now Challenor Junior is busy taking over LibDem LGBTQ+ and making an arse out of them.

Lucy Bannerman, Janice Turner and others in the Times are writing great stuff. That gets noticed. Alison Moyet stuck her neck out, got shouted at by the trans mafia and wound it back in. That got noticed.

Slowly at first, then quicker, exponentially, things are taking off. Posi Parker is all over it, Thousands of people sent a few quid that soon added up for a big advert in the metro. On twitter every time some numpty from the BBC, the government or opposition spouts about gender hundreds of women pop up to put them straight. There's more men popping up, some famous like Graham Lineham many unknown, but all standing up for women and girls.

Finally, national treasure Jo Brand has written a balanced piece in the Guardian.

Its a mass movement now. I'm no longer the Gender Critical Dad, I am one of the Gender Critical Dads.

That's a great place to be. We are going to win whatever I do. I can, I need to play my part, but there's others, way more capable than me who will make it happen

 

Fears

This started as a tweet here: https://twitter.com/dad_gc/status/1027694902635835398. It came out rather well, The pace and tightness imposed by twitter can be really good sometimes. So I'm going to keep it here.

So you hate your body, hate the expectations, attitudes and proscriptions loaded onto your womanhood by culture and society.  Trans offers a hope, a clean slate and a community. It makes your internalised misogyny and homophobia a virtue, a mark of belonging, you become s star.

Faith and the Vicious God of Gender

I have been asked if I really believe there is no such thing as a trans child. I was taken aback a bit by the look of horror on the face of the obviously very caring, amiable and intelligent woman as she contemplated the twisted bigotry of the terfy old bloke in front of her. So I bottled it and muttered something meaningless and uncommitted.

GenderQuake the Debate. Boys Will Be Boys and Will Be Treated like Boys.

The GenderQuake debate:

Channel 4 is doing a series of gender related programs, including a debate, which went out this week:

From http://www.channel4.com/info/press/news/channel-4-confirms-panellists-for-genderquake-the-debate

Channel 4 is holding a studio discussion, Genderquake: The Debate where a wide-ranging panel of guests with a variety of views will look at what gender means in 2018. The debate, which is part of a wider season on gender, will discuss topics including: what defines our gender identity, how that affects our rights, should it be easier to change gender and does gender matter anyway?

 The debate will be hosted by Channel 4 News’ Cathy Newman and the panellists will include model and activist Munroe Bergdorf, leading feminist and academic Germaine Greer and US Television personality and Olympic gold medal winner Caitlyn Jenner. There will also be other panellists and speakers with a wide range of views.

Shaminder Nahal, Channel 4 Commissioning Editor said:

 “This debate will stimulate important and insightful discussion with a wide variety of views from the panel and audience. Issues around gender now have a prominent position in the national conversation, with strong feeling on all sides. Channel 4 is well known for exploring challenging and emotive issues in a fair and balanced way and with this programme we want to help audiences understand and engage in these multi-faceted issues.”

So C4 promised "Channel 4 is well known for exploring challenging and emotive issues in a fair and balanced way". Which surely should mean that people get an equal say, no one gets interrupted or get to interrupt others more or less because of their sex or gender or whatever.

Some thoughts on MumsNet and their submission to the trans lobby.

I don't do MumsNet much. I think the world is better for an online space where women can talk without men butting in all the time.

Recently though men have started butting in, have been telling MumsNet what women should be allowed to say. Sadly, MumsNet have paid attention to these men and are deleting posts that state the biologically obvious and the opinions of many women.

I think I may have some useful thoughts

A Parent's Voice - If You Pray, Pay for Her.

This blogs been a bit quiet for a while. I've been busy, helping set up and do the admin for this:

 https://gendercriticalresources.com/Support

The Gender Critical Support Board is run for parents and families by parents and families who share the experience of coping with a child, teenager or young adult who believes she or he is transgender. 

We are critical of the phenomenon of transgender youth growing at epidemic rates. 

The forum provides support for parents and families who would like a thoughtful and cautious approach to intervention for their gender dysphoric child. 

The board wasn't my idea. I don't want to say who it was in case I dump them in it, but really I just do the techy stuff. We started it up in August, it got mentioned by 4th Wave Now in the middle of September and then it really took off. 

The people who come are just amazing. 

Trans activists would have everyone believe we are unsupportive, intolerant, bigoted hateful parents who are prepared to see our kids die rather than face up to the truth. The people who come are just parents who love their kids, like all parents they will fight like hell to look after their kids when something threatens their kids.

Its all about giving space to parents to tell share stories, somewhere to learn they are not alone. 

This is just one story of many, that someone PM'd me and asked me to share. Its heartbreaking, but very far from exceptional. I've changed names and places and removed some detail to protect her and her daughter:

So Proud To Be Part of This

4th wave now has just announced a support board for parents. I am so proud that I helped to set it up.

From https://4thwavenow.com/2017/09/16/new-support-forum-for-parents-of-gender-dysphoric-kids-young-adults/

New support forum for parents of gender-dysphoric kids & young adults

A message from forum members Niniane, Kellogmom, Gender Critical Dad, Marge Bouvier Simpson, Mary, & Cat

There is a new forum for parents of gender dysphoric kids, teens, and young adults. We’re here to provide peer support for parents who would like a thoughtful and cautious approach to intervention for their gender-dysphoric daughter or son.

I am so proud to be part of this. Its great that parents are starting to come together

Seems I Am a Hate Criminal Now

The Guardian ran a piece today: Police investigate online abuse against charity for transgender children 

From the article: 

The charity, which supports transgender children and their families, said it had been falsely accused of “enticing” children by attending recent Pride UK events.

One tweet sent to the charity included a poster that described Mermaids UK as a “dangerous cult”, saying staff planned to “groom gay kids”.

Mermaids UK’s chief executive, Susie Green, said she was falsely accused of forcibly castrating her transgender daughter. “They [people on Twitter] have referred to my daughter as my gay son and I have been accused of chemically castrating her,” she said.

Sometimes I Should Just Shut Up And Read.

From https://giaqualia.wordpress.com/2014/07/29/female-socialisation/ Its worth going to the page for the accompanying pics.

You’re so pretty.
You’re adorable.
You’re beautiful.
You’re my beautiful little girl.
Sweet little lady.
Careful! Don’t get hurt!
Play nicely.
Don’t get dirty.
Stop that.
Be more ladylike.
Don’t eat too much.
Shhhh.
Quiet.
Girls are duuumb!
Girls have cooties.
No girls allowed.
Hahahahaha! You have boobs!
Look at her boobs!

 Now go to her page for the rest.

Parents and Detransitioners: Mutilation and Delusion, and a Transogenic Society

I talk with a lot with other parents and like them others I follow the writing and videos of de-transitioners. 

Many are incredibly insightful, articulate and passionate. The produce great stuff like this From GuideOnRagingStars:

Obviously they give us hope. Those kids got out, our kids could too. We invest huge hope in them and end up projecting our hopes, our feelings onto them.

And that is dodgy as hell, really dodgy. 

Gender Is In the Mind of The Beholder: An Act of Perception, Interpretation, Mapping and Judgement.

What is gender? A social construct or an innate property of a person? Where is it located, the mind, the brain or the body? When does it come into existence?

Trans theorists have answers to these questions, not all the same answers, mind you. There are many millions of impenetrable words, many careers built on generating, teaching and policing the approved ideas about gender.

So here, I am an old bloke, who does stuff with machines, in a shared workspace, One of those groovy places where internet entrepreneurs do whatever they do when they start up.  On a chipboard desk, sat over from a load of strangers, young enough to be my kids. I'm about to expound on stuff that people with multiple liberal arts degrees have made a living on. With a 40 year old CSE grade 1 in English and an in depth knowledge of low borderline obsolete technologies.

How is your daughter doing these days?

I've got a backlog of other things to write about, but they are all daunting and I've been procrastinating. I think this is something I can just write about. 

Someone on Reddit asked How is your daughter doing these days? Which is really nice and very touching.  Rather than just answer on reddit, I thought I write here for anyone else who either worries about her and me, and also to share with other parents.

The thing is, people fall into the trans cult in very obvious, very hackneyed ways. 

Trans Kids, Lets All Blame the Parents,

Lots of trans kids on the news and one parent, who'd been in a BBC program and whose child had be set up as poster child by trans, appeared on twitter, tried to explain herself. People piled in, picking up on some possibly unwise things she had said. I commented harshly about her.

We portrayed her as a Munchhausen homophobic parent who would rather have a trans daughter and than a gay son. 

I think we had a chance to reach out to someone who could have pulled their child out of the trans machine. I think we blew it.

Just found this from a couple of years ago. Shes says so much, so well.

So much to learn from this. Its a great lesson for men and warm, compassionate and accessible explanation of why women have to have women's spaces and set their own boundaries. 

Again and again I hear people criticise women generally, and feminists in particular, for not accepting transwomen as “real” women and for “excluding” them. Trans people are oppressed, they say, and these so-called exclusionary behaviours and attitudes create the dogma behind this oppression just as racism is the dogma behind the oppression of Black people. It is misguided, they say, and dangerous and is called transphobia, which makes you, me, anyone who doesn’t agree with them, a bigot who deserves to go to hell with all fascists and racists.

Click for full article What is A Woman?

A Call for an Alternative Treatment path For Dysphoria

The following appeared on my twitter feed from Rosemary Goude (@greengoude):

I thought it was beautifully written and a very humane and moving call for a better way to deal with dysphoria.

I'll keep a copy of it here.  As a reference and an inspiration.