Monday, 8 May 2017

How is your daughter doing these days?

I've got a backlog of other things to write about, but they are all daunting and I've been procrastinating. I think this is something I can just write about. 

Someone on Reddit asked How is your daughter doing these days? Which is really nice and very touching.  Rather than just answer on reddit, I thought I write here for anyone else who either worries about her and me, and also to share with other parents.

The thing is, people fall into the trans cult in very obvious, very hackneyed ways. 

The quiet kid, self conscious, lesbian, very smart, but not street wise, not good at reading people and social situations. The internet and tumblr, the changes from a bit butch to trans man (boy?) , the self obsession, the rages, the narcissism. The vicious circle of dysphoria and social trans, binders and heightened self-consciousness.

Its easy to tell that story without giving identifying details about my daughter. My reactions were also pretty typical, the only exceptional thing is that I write this stuff and she doesn't know about that. We could be one of thousands of kids and parents.

But I think every journey out of trans is unique.  So I have to be very circumspect.

So yes there are things happening. Its hard to tell, because shes away at uni, but she seems to be getting really into her subject, She is maybe, finding an identity outside of trans. Doing things that are not on the internet and finding a pride in the strengths of her body. 

She has a lover, who seems really nice, they came for a weekend, we all ate together, had a few drinks, shared jokes. We all used real names and pronouns and there were no shocked looks or tantrums.

I have no clue whether they are in some sort of trans weirdness or just getting teenage kicks. I can't ask, because of Ignore Redirect and Reward but they make a fine couple, They obviously fancy each other, have got a shared sense of humour and can take the piss out of each other.

I know that, as a dad, I'm supposed to be agin all this sort of thing. But actually I glad she's managed to find something that not an abusive relationship with a MtT, where she has to validate his identity, nor a liberal feminism approved succession of grim hookups. They seem good for each other and frankly if you are enjoying your sexuality, you are less likely to mess your body up with hormones and surgery.

Like many young people, I think that, in her social circle, being trans-keptical is akin to being a nazi, but I think it may be getting to be a bot of a chore instead of an identifying passion.

She still wears a binder, which rips my heart to see, but less often. She dresses in mens clothes, but in a manner that would have been un-remarkable in 1985. 

So I'm hopeful, I think.

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