Wednesday, 12 April 2017

Trans Kids, Lets All Blame the Parents,

Lots of trans kids on the news and one parent, who'd been in a BBC program and whose child had be set up as poster child by trans, appeared on twitter, tried to explain herself. People piled in, picking up on some possibly unwise things she had said. I commented harshly about her.

We portrayed her as a Munchhausen homophobic parent who would rather have a trans daughter and than a gay son. 

I think we had a chance to reach out to someone who could have pulled their child out of the trans machine. I think we blew it.

Its such an easy explanation. Those bigoted old parents, who try and force their kids to be be proper boy/girl and if they can't manage that, get the docs to fix them into a nice straight stereotype trans kid. And get on the telly and a bit of fame and fortune. 

Great story, lets get ready for the grad trans backlash and pat ourselves on the back. 

I've spouted that myself, I've plenty of anger at anyone and everyone who's been pushing kids and young people into the fish trap of the trans industry. I've felt sickened by parents of trans kids who go along with it and repeat the trans orthodoxy fed them.

So we can all have a rant on those evil parents and tell ourselves how we would never allow that to happen to our kids 

Its not that easy. Its really not.

Parents are told, by the experts, by schools and the NHS, by organisations headed by people with honours, with funding from Stonewall. They are told that:
  • Trans is a real scientific thing
  • If you don't support then they will kill themselves
  • If you oppose, or question any of it you are showing up you a bigot.
If your child has access to the internet, they will have been groomed. Teachers, doctors and childcare workers have been told that the correct approach to trans or gender questioning kids is to always be supportive, To affirm the child's chosen identity, enforce this acceptance in other kids and never question. Its a ratchet and it clicks inevitably to trans.

Your child, who like most children find growing up hard at times, is told that all this is due to their Gender. That their likes and dislikes mean that they are trans, That the worries about growing up, the worries about how odd their bodies seem to be, the worries about the how alien the porn they see on their phones seems, the worries about sexual feelings for the wrong sex. All these are symptoms of dysphoria, explained as a mismatch of gender identity. All this will be fixed away by trans. They will no longer be awkward, unsure, crippled by shyness, embarrassed by their bodies. They will be heroes, they will be the future. 

By the time you know your, kids mind is made up, the experts are united. If you don't fall in line your child will die. 

At this point you are offered a choice. You can be accepting, affirming and loving and just use the name and pronouns to make you child happy, just let them wear the clothes they like, just let them explore, just let them find their own way, just listen to your child, they are the experts. 

Or you are totally on you own. The BBC, the NHS, schools, the liberal press have all told you whats right. Your child will tell all their mates what evil terfs you are. Other parents will look in horros as you dead name and mis-gender your child.

I was lucky, I'm a big-headed, cocky old git. My education and trade have given me a grounding in science  I grew up at a time and in a culture where feminism was radical feminism. My partner agreed with me, is strong, has incredible insight and knows so much more than me. I found the rad fems and the lesbians and got wonderful support from them.

I can't blame any one who lacks my luck, who gets caught on the ratchet. When your kid tells you they are trans it is fucking terrifying and you are offered so much support. All the experts will be alongside you, all these cool young people will be at your side on your brave journey. You too will be a hero. You will be welcome in the shiney rainbow of LGBTQ libberal acceptance full of smiley kids.

These parents will have their doubts. At some level they will know its all bollocks, eventually they will find the hateful, homophobic, misogynistic hinterland of trans. They will find Danielle Muscato, they will wonder what informed consent and off label mean. 

We need to reach out, we need to have the right questions to open up cracks of doubt, I don't know what those questions are. They have to open up doubt about the trans narrative, they have to offer a view of a different narrative,

We need to offer a path out. A path that starts with small steps, that offers hope, that lets parents see themselves as neither heroes of trans, or monsters, or idiots. As parents who were trying the best for their kids, but were misled by, possibly malign, possibly well meaning forces. 

Just telling them they are evil will back them into a corner.







13 comments:

  1. Well, as my kid started insisting that they were trans at age 2, not using those words, but saying "I am really a boy" and saying that for five years before he decided to just say that he wanted to be a boy and try that out for a while and see if it is what makes him happy because currently, he is miserable. He doesnt even know the word transgender. He doesnt go on the internet, my sexuality is not straight but I am married to a partner of the opposite sex. We dont talk about that to them. So I just found your article so far off base with how most trans people start their lives. Almost all of them know from a very young age that they are trans, even without knowing the word. They will do this until either they snap and transition or they crumble under the social pressure from bad parenting and try to live as their assigned at birth gender leading to suicide or homelessness in some cases. Others go forward and wait until they are a lot older, then transition. Then they are finally happy. So your comments as a whole are just plain idiotic.

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    1. Not "How Most". How YOUR kid starts his life.
      If you're going to claim that this is "how most trans kids start their lives" please provide statistics. I believe there probably aren't because it's so rare and situations are all so different.

      But if you have them, I would love to see them.

      So please, cut the insults. This man is far from "idiotic", and neither are his comments.

      People need to stop calling anyone who says something that doesn't align with their views "idiotic" and instead start thinking "Why people would have these views? Where are they coming from? Why are my views different? Where do they differ? Where do they reconcile? And why?"

      This will provide a much better assessment of a situation and might lead to workable solutions.

      Shooting down someone who has a different position with the "his position is dumb" (and it's pretty clear you find it dumb because it goes against the narrative, which was reiterated in your post: "all trans people know young, then snap and transition or die") does not benefit anyone. That narrative is bullshit by the way, on the account that every situation and every kid is different, and you can't have a one size fits all solution. You need to go case by case. Also suicide rates do not go down after transitioning: https://4thwavenow.com/2015/08/03/the-41-trans-suicide-rate-a-tale-of-flawed-data-and-lazy-journalists/

      Your situation is your situation. It is anecdotal, and anecdotal evidence is not evidence.

      Gender Critical Dad's situation is his situation. Gender Critical Dad blogs about his situation.

      Gender Critical Dad is not saying gender dysphoria and transgenderism is fake. It is still very real. Your child may very well be transgender and currently, transition may be the best thing for him, I don't know your kid.

      What GCD (Gender Critical Dad) advocates is taking a step back and looking at the situation objectively.

      Transitioning has very real consequences: Hormones means sterilization, and for MTF, the penis will not grow, meaning they can't get surgery, not enough materials.

      The problem is that the current atmosphere and idea about gender dysphoria is "transition or suicide" guilt tripping. A current atmosphere where "transition" is the only option in all cases where people express the slightest amount of gender dysphoria.

      Gender Critical Dad advocates critical thinking. Not jumping on the bandwagon, thinking carefully about what your kid really needs (and I mean NEED, not WANT.)

      Continued in next post...

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    2. Continued...

      If that means resisting if they think that later their kids will change their minds, they're just confused, then they're right to resist and other parents should take a seat and not tell 'em how to raise their kids even if it goes against the dumb narrative of "transitioned kid or dead kid".

      Plenty of detransitioners.
      Plenty of kids who say they're trans in high school to fit in then desist.
      Kids who suddenly say they're trans from contact with with Internet.

      https://4thwavenow.com/2016/12/17/a-mums-voyage-through-transtopia-helps-her-daughter-desist/

      Those kids are real, too. What if your kid wants to be like them?

      So I understand your kid wants to be a boy. So it's nothing like the 15 year old girl in the link above. Kid doesn't use the Internet. Been shown that there're lots of toddlers who want to be the other sex just because they want to play with the toys and they're prevented from doing so. Dressing 'em up as the other sex and giving them the toys they want will magically cure it.

      I am not gonna tell you how to raise your kid. I'm just kindly request that you exercise critical thinking when raising your kid (honestly that is pretty reasonable don't you think?) and consider the consequences of transitioning: Butchered body parts, sterilization, disfigured primary sexual characteristics, back problems (binders)...

      Have you read 4th wave now?

      https://4thwavenow.com/

      These people aren't against transgenders, they're against transition unless it absolutely necessary.

      Doctors ARE gatekeepers. They should NOT give treatments or meds that the patient does not need. Just because I want to get chemo, should I get chemo? No! It needs to be observed that I really have cancer. Though cancer is an objectively observable condition.

      What Trans advocates is Informed Consent, and it's bullshit. Just found a topic discussing it today
      https://www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/65gxye/can_we_talk_about_how_fucked_informed_consent_is/

      We're living in a time where it is advocated that just because you WANT TO TRANSITION, you SHOULD BE ABLE TO TRANSITION. Even if you have no dysphoria, even if it would make your life a lot darker, if you feel like transition for LOLS, you should be able to transitions.

      And that's crazy talk. Transitioning was for a long time the only known way to quell the distress caused by dysphoria. Now, it probably still is, but eventually new methods will be eventually discovered. And I can already imagine the uproar that will cause.

      You must not take the transgender activists' message and narrative as gospel.

      What is important is your child's happiness. Sometimes that means transitioning. Sometimes it means resisting because you know they're not trans because of the circumstance.

      In my opinion, parents should keep think about the situation with a critical eye.

      At the VERY least, read both sides. Don't just read the side where "doctors" and transgender activists are.

      This isn't religion vs science, this is social pressure vs psychology, and psychology isn't a science. There aren't many neurology papers of objective diagnosis of transgenderism, so you need to go the psychological route, and that's a route where nothing can be objectively observed.


      Have you read the situations where transgender men are threatening women?

      Couple of them here: https://www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/


      Not sure if I'll be met with insults (friendly reminder I didn't insult you, or your opinions).

      If you just handwave dismiss me, well, that'll be that.

      Have a nice day and good luck.

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    3. My pleasure. You have my utmost sympathy for what you're going trough.

      You are acting like a real parent should. Your daughter is lucky to have someone like you. Don't give up.

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    4. "Also suicide rates do not go down after transitioning: https://4thwavenow.com/2015/08/03/the-41-trans-suicide-rate-a-tale-of-flawed-data-and-lazy-journalists/"

      Hold on, no the report didn't say that at all. Page 8 quote:

      "The survey did not
      provide information about the timing of reported suicide
      attempts in relation to receiving transition-related health
      care, which precluded investigation of transition-related
      explanations for these patterns."

      That report didn't say anything about suicide after transition at all.

      Even the 4th wave now blog analyses the report to show that the suicide rate often quoted from lazy reading of that report is wrong. Sorry to jump in, but you were misrepresenting the evidence in my opinion.

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    5. Before claiming your child is transgender just because they were so young when saying theyre the opposite sex, you have to first be as sure as you possibly can be that her saying that isnt a result of social influence, both direct and subconscious. I think it's unfortunate that you think your kid is trans just because she says she's a boy. I also doubt that at 2 your child had any sense of boy and girl. But it's extremely unfortunate that so many parents, even same sex parents, completely overlook the impact of socialization. Independent of how you raised your child as a girl, meaning whether or not you gave her girl toys and clothes or let her play with whatever she wanted and dress however she wanted, that's not what she would be seeing in society. Kids learn at incredibly fast rates, they take in everything around them, they catch on to societies imposed rules and limitations, especially young girls.

      But let's pretend like transgenderism does exist. How doubly unfortunate and harmful that you are under the impression that transition is the best way to treat it. People can't change their sex, are you at least aware of that? There's no arguing that much, that is purely fact, biology. So if trans people are really the opposite sex in their mind or soul, the best course of action would certainly not be telling them they can physically change their sex or encourage them to do such destructive and harmful surgeries that often diminish sexual sensation and leave scarring and nerve damage, surgeries that don't give them the genitals or secondary sex characteristics they want, at most just fake somewhat replicas that are non functioning and frequently come with a horrible amount of complications that sometimes are life threatening. The best course of action would be to instead help these people, especially kids, learn to live as best as they can without surgerical or drug intervention. Not push them into expensive, dangerous, harmful treatments that studies show don't resolve most trans peoples dysphorria

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    6. I have no problem saying i do not believe transgendism exists, because we have no scientific basis to believe such a thing and because every single trans person i have ever read or heard has based their transgenderism off gender stereotypes.

      If you think otherwise, that's fine, I'm sure you will do what is best for your child and if or when they stop identifying as a boy you will be supportive. I just sincerely hope that if you start to notice as your child grows up that her boy identity is one based on stereotypes, you will think more critically and not ignore the obvious, you owe it to her to have her back in these things and not allow or encourage her to do puberty blockers, hormones, or surgery unless you think she 100% truly needs those things. But like i said, even if you do fully believe she is a boy, those treatments are still reason to be worried and suspicious. Lupron (puberty blocker) is being sued in the US by women who had awful, seriously unethical and debilitating reactions by it. It plead guilty in 2001 as well, and is now close to being off market. Testosterone makes transmens bodies behave like that of 50 year old women going through menopause, and more worrying is that is causes women to create far more red blood cells than normal and it thickens the blood in women as well, and because women have thinner veins, i think you can see how that is a serious problem that leads to heart conditions. A lot of transmen who started transitioning in the 90's are now dead because of heart related conditions and cancers (testosterone seems to be linked in cancer growth). So imagine that it's quite possible that the girls in their 20's transitioning now will face similar health problems by their 30's/40's. Other things like testosterone reducing vaginal lubrication and thinning the vaginal walls, and making the cliterus less sensitive are not that serious in comparison to the life threatening consequences, but I've seen many transmen who say they wished they had been warned about these things before transitioning.

      You probably won't read this, and if you do you may see this as an attack or insulting your parenting. It's none of that. I'm telling you an honest opinion with some actual facts included, facts in which you can look up for yourself and i encourage you to do so and not take my word for it. Youre not a bad parent, nor are you a bad parent if you subscribed to the trans agenda and now are struggling to back out of it. I wont question why you were here on this obviously trans critical blog, but now that you know where to look for trans critical discussion and thought, do your child a service by returning if you ever start to doubt what you thought/think you knew so well.

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  2. Sure, but that doesn't invalidate the rest of things that's been saud on the matter by people more informed than me.

    I'm no expert, never pretended to be. The correction is welcome.

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    ReplyDelete
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      Delete

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Abusive, rude or nasty coments may be removed. Or they may be left to discredit whatever cause you feel you are supporting.

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