Trans Kids, Lets All Blame the Parents,

Lots of trans kids on the news and one parent, who'd been in a BBC program and whose child had be set up as poster child by trans, appeared on twitter, tried to explain herself. People piled in, picking up on some possibly unwise things she had said. I commented harshly about her.

We portrayed her as a Munchhausen homophobic parent who would rather have a trans daughter and than a gay son. 

I think we had a chance to reach out to someone who could have pulled their child out of the trans machine. I think we blew it.

Its such an easy explanation. Those bigoted old parents, who try and force their kids to be be proper boy/girl and if they can't manage that, get the docs to fix them into a nice straight stereotype trans kid. And get on the telly and a bit of fame and fortune. 

Great story, lets get ready for the grad trans backlash and pat ourselves on the back. 

I've spouted that myself, I've plenty of anger at anyone and everyone who's been pushing kids and young people into the fish trap of the trans industry. I've felt sickened by parents of trans kids who go along with it and repeat the trans orthodoxy fed them.

So we can all have a rant on those evil parents and tell ourselves how we would never allow that to happen to our kids 

Its not that easy. Its really not.

Parents are told, by the experts, by schools and the NHS, by organisations headed by people with honours, with funding from Stonewall. They are told that:

• Trans is a real scientific thing
• If you don't support then they will kill themselves
• If you oppose, or question any of it you are showing up you a bigot.

If your child has access to the internet, they will have been groomed. Teachers, doctors and childcare workers have been told that the correct approach to trans or gender questioning kids is to always be supportive, To affirm the child's chosen identity, enforce this acceptance in other kids and never question. Its a ratchet and it clicks inevitably to trans.

Your child, who like most children find growing up hard at times, is told that all this is due to their Gender. That their likes and dislikes mean that they are trans, That the worries about growing up, the worries about how odd their bodies seem to be, the worries about the how alien the porn they see on their phones seems, the worries about sexual feelings for the wrong sex. All these are symptoms of dysphoria, explained as a mismatch of gender identity. All this will be fixed away by trans. They will no longer be awkward, unsure, crippled by shyness, embarrassed by their bodies. They will be heroes, they will be the future. 

By the time you know your, kids mind is made up, the experts are united. If you don't fall in line your child will die. 

At this point you are offered a choice. You can be accepting, affirming and loving and just use the name and pronouns to make you child happy, just let them wear the clothes they like, just let them explore, just let them find their own way, just listen to your child, they are the experts. 

Or you are totally on you own. The BBC, the NHS, schools, the liberal press have all told you whats right. Your child will tell all their mates what evil terfs you are. Other parents will look in horros as you dead name and mis-gender your child.

I was lucky, I'm a big-headed, cocky old git. My education and trade have given me a grounding in science  I grew up at a time and in a culture where feminism was radical feminism. My partner agreed with me, is strong, has incredible insight and knows so much more than me. I found the rad fems and the lesbians and got wonderful support from them.

I can't blame any one who lacks my luck, who gets caught on the ratchet. When your kid tells you they are trans it is fucking terrifying and you are offered so much support. All the experts will be alongside you, all these cool young people will be at your side on your brave journey. You too will be a hero. You will be welcome in the shiney rainbow of LGBTQ libberal acceptance full of smiley kids.

These parents will have their doubts. At some level they will know its all bollocks, eventually they will find the hateful, homophobic, misogynistic hinterland of trans. They will find Danielle Muscato, they will wonder what informed consent and off label mean. 

We need to reach out, we need to have the right questions to open up cracks of doubt, I don't know what those questions are. They have to open up doubt about the trans narrative, they have to offer a view of a different narrative,

We need to offer a path out. A path that starts with small steps, that offers hope, that lets parents see themselves as neither heroes of trans, or monsters, or idiots. As parents who were trying the best for their kids, but were misled by, possibly malign, possibly well meaning forces. 

Just telling them they are evil will back them into a corner.