Sunday, 1 May 2016
Ignore, Redirect and Reward - Dealing with Unreasonable Behaviour.
I am not a therapist. I do not have the skills, training or experience to attempt any sort of therapy or counselling. Even if I did, I cannot have a therapeutic relationship with my child, we have too much history and to much at stake to be non-directive or or explore stuff.
The following is not therapy and it's not very deep. It won't give you a dramatic moment, where your child breaks down and accepts just how right you have been all along. Life is not like it is in the movies.
It is advice given to me by someone who has a great deal of experience in dealing with troublesome behaviour and getting them to a better place. Someone who does know what they are talking about.
It gives me a way to carry on day to day without reinforcing or collaborating in the trans delusion. It helps me to avoid damaging confrontations. Its easy to remember and recall when you feel yourself getting wound up.
Ignore: Don't mention trans and don't argue about trans. Don't rise to any provocation. Don't be dramatic about this and don't make a point of ignoring it. Don't say your ignoring it, just quietly get on with doing something else. Teenagers can be difficult anyway so try not to see everything in terms of trans, sometimes trans teenagers are just being teenagers.
Redirect: Do something else with them that is good for both of you and nothing to do with trans. Again don't make a point about it and don't state why your doing it. Just think of something that you can do with your kid that is nothing to do with trans, but will be something they can join in with. It can be something that seems really small, choosing what to have for tea, choosing something on Netflix to watch together. It doesn't have to be worthy or anti-trans.
Reward: Be positive for anything but trans. Don't make a big point of it, don't mention trans, just be nice about whatever they do that isn't trans related.
Its not always easy. It means you have to ignore a lot of hateful stuff. You have to let it wash over you and yes it will sometimes get to you. Find a friend you can talk to, phone the Samaritans or write an anonymous blog, you are the adult.
And yes, it works with dogs and horses as well, we are all mammals.