Friday, 22 April 2016

Hitting Peak Trans and Becoming a Minority of One

The difficult first post, how I got here.

I have a beautiful, witty, smart wonderful daughter. She's always been quite quiet, shy but determined when she sets her sights on something. Late to puberty, lost her last milk tooth only a few weeks ago age 16.

A couple of years ago, she told us she was lesbian, our reaction was that we wondered when she was going to tell us, as far as I can tell we were totally relaxed about that, then after a while she was bisexual, fair enough its all a bit academic in my view until you start fooling about with other people.

She asked permission to cut her hair, we'd never said she had to have long hair, I thought it was a fine idea, she could never be arsed to look after it, and had the bone structure and long neck to carry it off. She got it cut and looked fantastic, you could see her smile so much more and her lovely eyes.

She got into wearing men clothes more and more, and  wearing sports bras, then a binder, but hey I dressed like a fright at her age.

She dropped hints about trans stuff, nothing specific,  just a bit of Social Justice Warrior rubbish that kids say.

In her small group of school friends, people seemed to be changing sexual orientation, then gender identity became the latest trendy thing, we decided to just ignore it, wait for the next thing to come by. She started going to a gendered intelligence support group, which I imagined to be a bit like a feminist consciousness raising group.

We went to a parents evening at her school, a teacher told how much she liked our kid and how well they got on and how she had made her a new name badge and used her preferred pronouns.  Its all getting a bit surreal, but we let it ride, kids got important exams coming up, she's had ups and downs at school and doesn't need any more drama, just let it ride.

Then one night we go out for a family meal, lovely place, great food and she started talking about  how much better it will be when she's 18 and can start taking Testosterone  and have top surgery.

Now I'd always been a right on, lefty, Guardian reader sort of guy, supported LGB rights didn't think anything of it when the Trans got added, but this suddenly got very scary, this was madness, this felt like I was being asked to accept something that seemed so very wrong, what had made my wonderful daughter decide on a course of self mutilation and life long drug dependency.

I was supposed to support her on this difficult journey to a bright new gender fluid future, this was the new modern trans  accepting way, that the BBC, the Guardian, the schools and the NHS was supporting as the cure for the latest children's problem gender dysphoria.

I just couldn't go along with this, it seemed like she had given up on being herself, betrayed generations off women who had fought for women's and lesbian rights. It was full of contradictions, it was full of danger for her and would leave her living a lie.

But everyone seemed to expect us to support or even celebrate this, as a liberating act and expression of who our daughter really was.

Was I in a rigid minded bigot, was I transphobic? The only people who seemed to disagree with all this were old women like Germain Greer, trans exclusionary radical feminists, who everyone agreed had lost the plot and just hated men and anyone who wasn't an old feminist.

I wondered if if was losing my balance, my ability to adapt, my sanity, or was I just a minority of one.


  1. You are not alone .. Hope this helps Another letter .. to my girl who identifies as a boy … via @STChauvinism
    Follow & We have to fight for a sensible divide between gender confusion and medical intervention Thanks for posting

    1. Thanks,

      I was chuffed to bits to find that Guardian article, it was actually in the printed edition, which has got to be good.

      I should of made it clear that the stuff above happened a few weeks ago, I'm in a much better place now, Been in contact with sites you mentioned.

    2. I wrote the initial guardian article and I'm so glad you liked it. Hopefully your daughter will come through this as mine seems to be. Best wishes and strength to you and all parents who are struggling against the trans cult.

  2. Found your blog just this morning so commenting late. Purplesage on Wordpress also useful for reassurance. I support everything you say. I think the trend of transgender is on one way a healthy reaction to a sick society, a coping strategy when you feel you don't fit the gender stereotype promoted by the media. Tumblr etc offer the kind of grooming reminiscent of a cult. Unfortunately, you, I and many others are voices in the wilderness until the same media decide to 'out' transgender for what it really is. Hold fast to your core instinct. In the face of so much propaganda your daughter and many others need strong counter messages and their attitudes questioned. I hope that a collective voice emerges soon. Keep promoting good self esteem with affirmation of other aspects of her that transcend appearance, gender, she will view everything through the veil of this but keep at it. This is an identity exploration, when she finds her way out of confusion she will remember you never lost sight of who you knew she really was.

  3. I think a collective voice will soon emerge, people are working on it. I'd love to reply to all the comments, its really reassuring to hear so many voices saying "me too", but then half the comments would be me.

    I love your name, I wish we could have more people with a punk attitude to all this to all this gender bollocks.

    The women from that era: Poly Styrene, The Slits, The Au Pairs, Pauline Black are still an inspiration to me. I wish I could work out how to reach out to them.

  4. Ordinary parents like you and cannot risk the trans wrath and it would cut little ice with our kids. Until the media and music industry stop sexualising and pornographising their industry we face an up-hill battle. Ideally high profile influential media stars need to step up and speak out. But instead we have Bruce Springsteen trying to resurrect his career and appeal to a new fan base. As always, follow the money.

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  6. I just want to say I am a trans person and I don't have any wrath for this blog/viewpoint. I can't say I entirely agree but I can't say I disagree either. I find this blog to be very interesting.

    I get upset that there is a feeling that all transgender people are somehow inpenetrable, aggressive and/or not up for engaging in any kind of nuanced discussion. I can understand why the trans community may be on the defensive and ready for attacks though.

    I keep a distance from the trans community mostly because I too have experienced a lot of hate for not being able to relate to the dominant 'I was born in the wrong body' trans narrative. I am also not a fan of online support groups as they can be like echo chambers and I find the momentum they can sometimes gather overwhelming (I am also a bit too old to really get the whole social media scene like the kids do these days). Having said that, I have also found the odd item of info that has been tremendously helpful and so I am not against them either.

    I think it is also worth remembering that LGB people had the same kind of reception as they became more visable. Now being gay is nearly a non issue.

    I appreciate it must be terrifying to have a child that identifies as transgender, there are risks that come with lifelong medication and surgery, but I bet they are scared too.

    I would like to keep talking because I think there is a lot of learning and thinking to be done. Are you on twitter?

  7. LGB doesn't go into schools recruiting. LGB doesn't get people no platformed. Trans is a homosexual eradicating ideology.

    Its not you its the ideology.
    Sorry I'm not your therapist, I have my daughters tea to cook.

  8. I know it is not me and I know you are not my therapist, I have one of those already. I presumed that by writing a blog that you clearly have put a lot of thought into meant you were up for a discussion. Perhaps I should not have assumed this.

    I am sorry you have met me with as much hostility as you say you are met with from the trans community.

    None ever came into my school trying to make me transgender (nobody ever came into my school and said a single word about it). I am curious, who is recruiting and to where are children being recruited to? If children are being coerced and brainwashed that is not okay...I am interested to hear about where this is happening and who is doing this. A google search brings nothing up so I need your help.

    I agree, it is not okay to get people no platformed either. I hate censoring and I mostly disagree with the demands for 'trigger warnings' everywhere. I stand firmly with you on that.

    It sounds like you wish for the transgender community to be silenced and for them not to have a platform from which to speak. So you are also asking for a group of people to be no platformed are you not?

    I stand in opposition to the transgender narrative as well. I think it is potentially very damaging to talk in terms of 'dysphoria' and the idea that medically transitioning will cure you of all your body and gender struggles is very unhelpful. I do not think it is a biological illness, a mental illness and I am a huge fan of Judith Butler and I wholeheartedly believe that gender is not something that is inside of us but something that we perform. I am genuinely worried about the dominant narrative, the system also forces people's stories into that narrative and that very upsetting. I also think there are a lot of very dark undertones to the term and what it means that are under acknowledged by the trans community.

    So, I agree with an awful lot of what you are saying. I think the darkness in all of this can be acknowledged without trying to stamp it out altogether. You ain't never gonna get a transgender free world.

    The narrative you are standing so firmly against, is not that of all transgender people.

  9. Fine, go and argue with the trans community. Tell them to stop taking over education and the NHS. Tell them why persuading children that they can change gender is bollocks.

    I'm not interested in telling you that you are a nice guy and not like the other trans activists.

    I write this blog to deal with my feelings and share them with people who might me going thru similar things.

    I have more important stuff to do than make you feel better.

  10. Haha, I don't need you to tell me I am a nice guy, I know that already! I am not a trans activist either and pretty sure I am not a special snowflake.

    It is odd because it sounds like you are taking an activists stance. You are calling for people to hear you, (trans people in fact) to create some sort of change in how the transgender community conduct themselves but then, when I come here saying yes, I agree with some of what you say and I would like to see that change too, you brush me away.

    It is not all about you I am afraid. You tell me you have more important things to do than make me feel better (I feel fine btw) yet you say in the same comment that all you want is to connect with people to (and I assume) feel better. I am not asking for good feelings, I have enough to get by quite comfortably. I have asked for more clarification because I am interested which you have chosen not to give me.

    As for sharing people going through similar things. I am one of those people going through similar things! You are not the only person with concerns about the transgender movement (although I do not think it is a cult and I am mostly over the moon that transgender people are getting more visibility and not hiding away in a corner somewhere).

    I am sorry to hear you are so terrified for your child.. I would still like to know who is doing this recruiting and where to and what they are saying? There is no central transgender organisation that I know of.

    The fact is you can hop gender. That is what transgender people (some of them) are doing. If schools are saying that then that is the truth. But perhaps there is not enough discussion about the reality. ie it isnt just a case of 'hopping' that is for sure! There is a lengthy and drawn out process of which I am sure you are aware of that is, despite what you may think, designed to deter people. Maybe your child will decide they aren't trans anymore. Maybe not.

    1. Maybe there needs to be better education outside of "I always felt like there was something different about me (don't we all) and then I realised I am a boy trapped in a girls body (or a teen trapped in a messy pubescent body) and I found all these other trans people and I felt so comfortable (or finding connections with peopele is really important for your state of mind) and then I started taking hormones and had lots of surgery to align my body with my mind and now I feel complete and happy (I dont buy that anyone ever feels complete or happy in their own skin with the gendered messages and ideals that are shoved down our throats and I definitely dont believe in the existence of eternal happiness! As for feeling like your body matches what is in your head, well clearly they havent thought much about what it is like being in an aging body. Got to love these mind/body splits too)."

      This kind of glittering story is a problem all over the place not just with transgender politics and it is not ok. There are whole tv shows peddaling these glittering happy endings and cures to end life's woes. Then there are the mental health activists peddaling their glittering stories of recovery from depression and anxiety by just taking a pill or having this therapy or doing this kind of yoga or mcmindfulness. These stories are very seductive and they stop a lot of thinking because it keeps us focused on desiring the impossible.

      What I am trying to say, not very succinctly, is that I fear that the transgender community are succumbing to the same glittering stories because it gets people's attention. Trans organisations are granted funding and the people granting the funding want to see results and before they grant funding they want to be impressed into granting it. What impresses more than a romantic story and the promuse of eternal happiness? This is capitalism, individualism, comsumerism...they are the 'cults' that are taking over the world not transgenderism (which isnt an ism but it packed a punch I thought).

      I won't be telling the trans community to stop taking over schools and the NHS because I don't think they are (sounds like a conspiracy theory to me). Perhaps transgender has taken over your world but there is no transgender world domination plan that I know of. Most people outside of this blog and transgender people couldnt give two hoots about it (we aren't that important).

      I would like to continue to read your blog and comment because I am also a minority. Unless you are looking to recruit a certain kind of minority into your blog space?

      Well done for reading some books on feminism and I hope you feel better soon.

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  11. Thank you for your blog; your voice as a father is so necessary in the gender critical world. I am from the US and Youth Trans Critical Professionals just posted my story of fighting gender activists in my children's school. Would you be interested in relighting it? I am hoping to spread the word to parents everywhere that they must keep watch over their children's schools as the new school year begins. Keep up the fight!

    1. That's terrifying. I've done a short post pointing to you article

  12. If you don't mind me saying so, you seem to be a bit of an old style sexist / ageist

    Germaine Greet is a very distinguished womean. Far more notable than you or your family will ever be

    1. Germaine Greer is indeed very distinguished and one of the most notable women of her generation.

      The text about her being an old woman, losing the plot and hating men were intended to reflect the image of her put out by liberal media, that supposedly represented people like me. It is not my opinion of her at all.

      I'm not a good writer, I tried to project my sarcastic anger about the way she is portrayed in the media. I failed.

      I don't always agree with her, but she is always worth listening to.

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If you really have a comment feel free to add it, I will try and get round to moderating every day or so.

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