Monday, 25 April 2016

Being a Minority of One.

“Being in a minority, even in a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad.”  - 1984

First I should make clear that I am catching up with my story, events in this post and the previous all happened a while ago. I'm in a calmer state now, still scary but not paralyzingly so. Also thanks to my editor, you know who you are, and all the wonderful people who are helping me to become a writer of sorts.

My daughter has decided to become a man, wants a mastectomy and testosterone, the group that she'd been going to, it turns out to be a cult, teachers I trusted had been enabling her delusion to boost their self righteous liberalism and pompous patronizing tolerance . I'm supposed to come to terms with this and support her on this brave journey, but just I could not buy it.

It left me reeling, questioning my beliefs, my sanity, my decency and my motives. Why did I disagree with the consensus? I've always been a big headed git, but also capable of reflection and I think,  reconsideration, but this stuff just left me in a spin

Its so gob smacking, that I didn't want to talk about it in depth with my partner, If she agreed with me, it could just be to keep the peace, or because I'd worn her down. 

I hit the internet, searched, somehow found and from the  sidebar in that loads of links, full of sane women, frequently repeating the objections I had to trans, filling in details,  providing a calm, reasoned argument, why the transgender system of belief is fundamentally flawed.

So I wrote to an old feminist friend, for decades ago, just for a sanity check
I could do with a reality check from you, things have happened, that I really don't know how to deal with. I'm turning to you because I respect your intelligence and remember you as a staunch feminist and pretty resistant to trendy bullshit. Your also distant enough from me, that if you decide I'm being a bit of a drama queen you can tell me to bog off, with no consequences for yourself.

I really do worry that I might be very wrong, or that I am right and most of the liberal lefty Guardian reading world has fallen for the lies of an abusive cult.

About a year ago my daughter decided she was really a man and wanted to transition. Like most parents my initial response was to assume that its another passing fad, then a feeling that if I don't accept it, its my problem and a reflection of my innate transphobia. I did have a strong gut feeling about it, but tried to ignore it. She's now saying that she is planning to start hormones and get a mastectomy as soon as she can, fortunately the NHS has a massive and growing waiting list.

The received wisdom seams to be that this is a difficult time for me, but with the support of the trans community I can learn to support my child transition into her corrected gender.

Trouble is I don't believe a word of it
It was such a relief, to get her reply, we had a bit of back and forth, I think she realised that, as she was into motor bikes back in the day, and frankly had been a very 70s feminist, dungarees, monkey boots and all, that she might of ended up going down the trans road if she had hit the same influences as my daughter, so no I wasn't mad.

I also found a vid by Rebecca Car its an hour long, the camera angles are terrible, but you can hear every word, and its an hour well spent.

She's a philosopher at the University of Warwick and she uses ideas like a mathematician uses symbols, each one is precisely defined and rigorous and they build on each other to rip chunks out of Gender Identity until the whole bullshit structure collapses. I never thought philosophy could take your breath away, but she did.

I read hundreds of posts on and and all the links off the sidebars and found lots of wonderfully sane people, some of whom had been thru the same sort of thing as me, some were professionals, trying to find a way to get the word out without losing their jobs. I found out just how sinister and wide ranging the transgender agenda  was, that other people had realised it was woman hating and the opposite of gay, lesbian liberation, but would eradicate  gays and lesbians, reduce feminism and the very reality of women's oppression to a bad consumer choice.

I was no longer a minority of one, other, sane people had reached the same conclusions, others had worked out a framework of ideas that held together and made sense.

The trans gender sites on the web, were full of patronising bullshit, spinning a web around a circular definition of gender and the new idol of Gender Identity. 

Gender Critical sites were calm and thoughtful with a level of thoughtfulness and humanity that was incredible. These were the people slagged off as TERFS and hateful radical feminists, but they were the only sane ones and they were so reasonable, sane and just, well, nice.

I still didn't have a clue how to help my daughter get out, but I think  I have enough insight to know that arguing with her would just push her away but I know that I am sane. I can talk about it without being terrified people would think I was nuts.

The future is still uncertain, but the best we can do is keep our relationship with our daughter working and real, keep doing real stuff, show love and respect for her, without endorsing, or enabling the trans crap, ignore attempts to goad us, and stay calm when she throws a paddy.

In the meantime I'll keep writing here, remember to review and edit the morning after and decide what to write about next.


  1. I love this post. I wish you strength and your daughter some sort of breakthrough. I'm sure she has no idea that you will be grieving her passing as your daughter and not celebrating having a new son.

  2. In the olden days you could have referred her to a lesbian chat site who could have told her that she doesn't have to become a man to reject 'femininity', or to desire women. I spent many thousands of hours on such a site and had very few callers who stuck to the idea of wanting to 'change sex' then, in fact few started off from that point. Now it seems as soon as anyone expresses any vaguely gender non-conforming ideas they get pulled onto the trans conveyor belt. It is about eliminating lesbians, and we do have to wonder whose interests that serves. (clue - We don't need a lifetime of drugs nor expensive surgery.)

  3. I'm glad you found us. There are a number of blogs devoted to this subject now. was the first, that I know of. is another, and

  4. Good on you for trusting your gut and doing more research, instead of automatically, unquestioningly accepting this and swilling down the Trans, Inc. Kool-Aid. It's ridiculous how so many otherwise intelligent people have been hoodwinked into all these preposterous claims which would've rightly been considered regressive and unscientific as recently as five years ago.

  5. I am so happy that you found Rebecca Reilly-Cooper video! It is a treasure. And also very glad that you found your way to us gender-critical women who all feel like the minority-of-one in our own beleagered lives. As a facebook friend said, "yes, we are strong, but we are tired".

  6. Just found out the "Minority of One" is not a pithy phrase invented by myself, but a Quote from 1984.

  7. And here you are, a kind and loving father who in searching for inspiration from others became inspiration to others. We are all in this together and while all these kids think they are the Social Justice Warriors they have no idea that we have quietly and steadfastly taken up the same title to battle against this corruption that they are too naive to see. Thank you for your part in the fight. Keep up the good work.

  8. Thanks, that means a lot to me.


I seem to be under attack by a spam bot from a washing machine maintenance company based in an Arabic speaking country.

If I don't moderate comments my blog comments will get filled with Arabic washing machine service contract spam.

If you really have a comment feel free to add it, I will try and get round to moderating every day or so.

Abusive, rude or nasty coments may be removed. Or they may be left to discredit whatever cause you feel you are supporting.

Boring repetitions of trans gender orthodoxy will be removed.