Saturday, 11 June 2016

What I hope I never have to say.

I'm dreading the time when 'I want to' becomes 'I have' I don't know how I will deal with it.

When think about that time, I find myself thinking about what I would say:
You've made your decision, I can't change that, but I still believe it is a wrong decision that will cause you harm. You and other people tell me that I should accept that decision and support you in your brave journey. You may hate me for not agreeing with or accepting your decision. You may cut off contact with me or blame me for any unhappiness you feel. You may blame me for harm you do to yourself.

I know all this and still I believe your decision is wrong and I will not hide that.

I do not say this because I hate you,  but because I love and respect you and refuse to lie to you.
I have tried to understand the unhappiness you feel about being a woman and that you cannot bear the roles and restrictions that the world places one you because of your sex. You may hate your body and you may feel that you cannot succeed as a woman and match up to the standards of femininity deemed acceptable by society, the media, culture and your peers.

The transgender ideology tells you that you are a man born in the body of a woman and that your perception of your gender is what makes you a man or a woman. It tells you that if you change your name and take some medicine and have a bit of surgery that you can become a man as real as any other man. It tells you that the rest of the world has to agree with your perception and does you an injustice if they do not.

I do not believe any of this and I am sure that if you looked at it with the intelligence, rationality and powers of analysis I know you posses then you would see it for the pile of crap that it is. I know that the trans ideology labels people like me as transphobic and TERFs and tries to shut down any enquiry, thought or debate into the causes of the pain that has taken you down the route you have chosen.

I know your circle of friends and most of the internet tells you that you are being brave and following your destiny to find your true self and a load of other empty deep sounding bollocks. They are telling you that once you are able to just be who you really are you will be happy and if your not happy its the fault of people like me, who are bigots and hateful.

They will tell you that you are a man and that they see you as a man. They will be lying, They may be lying because they want to exploit or abuse you, or out of fear of appearing bigoted, or because they do not want to hurt you but they will be lying none the less.

I believe you are setting yourself up for a life where you will mutilate your body, you will be dependant on a lifetimes use of drugs that are not tested for long term use by women. More importantly you are living a delusion and will be dependant on people lying to you you. Your life will revolve around how you appear to other people and how they perceive you. You will be in constant denial of the reality of your body and your sex and live in fear of that reality and of anyone who refuses to go along with the lies of the Gender Identity doctrine.
You will have plenty of people who will tell you what you want to hear, at least for a while.
You need someone who will always tell you that you are a wonderful woman, who can wear what she likes, love who she wants to love, sleep with who she want to sleep with, cut her hair how she wants, enjoy what she wants to and go out and do fantastic things in the world. Someone who tells you that anyone who says you can't because you are a woman can go fuck themselves.

I will always tell you the truth about who you are, I will not deceive you to buy your approval. I will struggle to stay in your life, and to be there for you . I hope I can still be here for you when you finally see the truth.


  1. That was very powerful, I feel the love from you to your daughter. I'm inspired to write something similar to my daughter who is caught in the same cult.

  2. So much sympathy for your position. She's lucky to have you, you know? I truly believe that if we put as much love into our children as we can, that love will be there for them to access when they need it most desperately.

  3. Someone, who has to remain anonymous asked me to add the following

    "Thank you for verbalizing my thoughts for me. That is exactly how I felt and I believe that the role of the parent is questioning everything that doesn't reflect our beliefs. It doesn't mean that I do not believe in drastic positive changes in society, but I am who I am. (insert best popeye voice here). And with the tears and resolve in my heart, I would love to write something similar for my daughter to read. It is hopeful to see another father out there with the same care for their child in their heart. I may steal your far more eloquent words...after all English is not my mother tongue."

  4. That's really beautiful. I hope someday she realises how much you support her.

  5. I am sure you are right about your daughter. Whether they like it or not, parents have a very good read on what is really happening - you just know it in your gut. I will send my prayers that she realize that it wasn't the answer and has the courage to admit it before she puts too many years into this. Your letter was amazing and an inspiration. Thanks you and I will pray for you too. No one deserves this nightmare.

  6. I found this read on a youtube channel from someone named Penny White. Our family is in the beginning stages of going through this with our 15 year old daughter. I may have to steal a lot of this since I have been struggling with putting together even a couple of rational thoughts. Thank you so much.

    1. Thanks for the comment. I'm not an expert, you have to find your own way. If there is anything I would ask, its that you don't take on the dominant trans narrative, of born in the wrong body, at face value.

  7. This is fabulous! I'm going to use for a letter to my daughter!


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