Why I Said It.
Years ago I worked in an industry where a lot of the women were lesbians. They were a good bunch of people, fun to work with. We were all young, they had affairs and dramas, awkward times and broken hearts, just like the rest of us did. If anything they did this with a little more dignity than the straights, especially the blokes.
It was a time when there was a strong feminist movement and community. There were strong women and pretty men in pop music and that's all they were. Men who were pretty and women who were strong. There was a feeling that the way men and women related was changing and that feminists and lesbians were driving and informing that change. Men had to pull their weight and change how they thought about love and sex.
So when, almost 3 years ago, my daughter told us that she was lesbian, we were both fine about that, To be honest we were waiting for her to tell us. I assumed that since we now had gay marriage and gay and lesbian national treasures, things would be OK for her.
I assumed that the gay and lesbian organizations and movements and community would welcome and accept her as she is. That they would tell her that she was fine as she was. She could meet wonderful people and sleep with some of them if she wanted to, in whatever way she wanted. They would be able to negotiate relationships based on equality and trust and respect. Where lovers looked each other in the eyes and wrote their own love stories.
Instead I found that LGB was now lgbTQ+ with the T and the Q in charge. What follows does not claim to be a a fair representation of LGB culture and organisations. Its my impression of what I have come across. With a some ideas and attitudes nicked from Sheila Jeffreys.
Queer is no longer the reclaiming of a slur. It is a glorification of relationships based on power, on dominance and submission, on pain and degradation. It is the denigration of tenderness. It is the worship of the objectification taught by porn. Sex is no longer the meeting of people, with valued personalities and bodies, to share and collaborate in mutual pleasure. It is merely the playing out of roles in the pursuit of a better wank. It is longer the protection of minority sexual orientations. It is the imposition of the sexuality of public school dormitories, the Bullingdon Club and countless frat houses.
The Trans in lgbTQ+ is no longer about the acceptance and protection of people who decide to live their lives as the opposite sex. Now it's the fetishisation of gender. It's the denial of the different ways people can be their sex and themselves. It's the constant performance of one or other gender or a multitude of trans lite genders, with the ever present anxiety about how one is seen and the slights and insults of mis-gendering and incorrect pronouns.
Just being lesbian is now no longer seen as valid. It is merely being someone who hasn't trans yet.
So yes I'm pissed off at LGBTQ+. I feel they have let my daughter down and left her in a bad vulnerable place. A place where she is open to abuse and pushed into some very bad decisions. A place where she will struggle to build healthy relationships.
Should I Have Said It?
I really don't know. I know a lot of lesbians have people they care for become FtM. They still care for them. Maybe they are defeated, maybe they have just been dragged down the trans road further than I have and have had to work out their own deal with acceptance. It something I'm dreading and really can't face thinking about.
Should I call on the LGB community to drop the T?
I believe the TQ will leave Gay and Lesbian communities and culture as merely subcategories on YouPorn.com. Or perhaps a clothing and hair theme, like punk, goth or grunge. But I'm just a straight bloke, perhaps is just a thing for women and gays and lesbians to sort out. If you go down that road you leave it it trans advocates woh will say its a trans thing and LG people should shut up and support them.
At some point you have to say: This Is Wrong.